How a Parent’s Response to Pointing Impacts a Child’s Use of Word
I’m Jasmine, a special education teacher who works with children from newborn to five years old.
Previously, we discussed how young children communicate their needs and wants. Communication means both sending and receiving messages so another person can understand our thoughts. While communication includes using words, young children also rely on eye contact, gestures, and body movements to express what they want.
Today, we’re focusing on how a parent’s response to a child’s communication attempt affects the child’s ability to use words—specifically when a child can point.
What Is Pointing—and Why Does It Matter?
When I say pointing, I mean isolating one finger—the index finger extended, with the other fingers tucked down by the thumb.
(This is not pointing. ✋ This is pointing. 👉
Yes, I’m being dramatic—on purpose!)
Pointing is a universal human skill used to direct another person’s attention to something specific. It’s one of the most powerful early communication tools children use.
By 18 months, I expect a child to be able to isolate their finger to request or show items to a caregiver.
Step 1: How Does Your Baby Get Your Attention?
Ask yourself:
How does my child let me know what they want?
If your child can point to specific items, that’s a great sign of intentional communication.
Step 2: How Do You Respond When Your Child Points?
Many parents tell me that when their child points to something—like a banana on the table—they simply pick it up, open it, and give it to the child.
Is that wrong?
No. Not at all.
In fact, that makes you a great caregiver. You noticed your child’s communication and met their need. That matters.
However, there’s one small change that can make a big difference in your child’s language development.
The Language-Boosting Strategy
The next time your child points to the banana:
- Say the word “banana” out loud
- Hold the banana near your face
- Make sure your child is looking at you
- Then hand it to them
That’s it.
By doing this, your child:
- Gets what they want
- Hears the correct word
- Sees the item
- Connects the word to the object
This increases the likelihood that your child will eventually use the word themselves.
Why Just One Word?
You’ll notice I only said “banana.”
I didn’t say:
- “What do you want?”
- “Do you want this?”
- “Say please”
- “Use your words”
There’s nothing wrong with those phrases—but children learning language for the first time need clear, simple models.
Words like this, that, and please don’t tell the child what the object is called. And children with limited language are not yet able to answer questions like “What do you want?”
That’s why I tell parents:
👉 Don’t ask. Just tell.
“But I Always Label Items…”
Many parents tell me, “Of course I label items for my child.”
As an evaluator, I don’t just ask questions—I observe. And I’ve been in many homes where parents say they always label items, but then hand their child water, a cookie, or a toy without saying a word.
Why?
Because parents are lazy!
(I’m kidding 😉)
It’s because parents are busy. 😱
We operate on autopilot. We focus on meeting our child’s needs quickly—and honestly, that’s a good thing. Keeping your child safe, fed, and happy matters.
But language learning requires intentional moments.
Why This Matters
Children are learning language for the very first time. When words aren’t available yet, children use behavior—pointing, pulling, crying, or screaming—because behavior gets an immediate response.
Our job is to pair that behavior with language.
Key Takeaways
Ask yourself:
- How does my child try to get my attention?
- How do I respond when they do?
If your child can point:
- Say the name of the item out loud
- Hold it near your face if possible
- Get their attention
- Then give them the item
This simple strategy helps children move from gestures to words.
As always, if you have questions, feel free to email me at
📧 Jasmine@mjscds.com
Take care! 😉
